Wednesday 21 March 2012
More Fiddling
I got exactly what I asked for :) I wanted to play with others. At Folk Club intermission, I was quietly invited to a private jam session. I was told to keep it quiet, because not everyone was invited. Apparently I was invited because I've been improving so much, and he thinks that it will be really good for me to play with others. I was bubbling up the rest of the evening, incredibly excited, overjoyed!!!
Unfortunately reality hit as I was walking home. Why have I been working so hard at building a Shetland repertoire over the last 7 months? Because I spent every single Fiddle Frenzy "slow" session frustrated and feeling like a complete failure, not able to even remotely join in. I have no intention of ever letting that happen again.
How am I expecting to do any better here? I understand that the 1st, 4th, 5th notes of a key are the chords. I understand that the arpeggio of a scale makes up the chord. I understand that chopping/chucking/whatever-it's-called is supposed to happen like a snare drum, on the off-beat. None of this helps. I sit in the back, playing semi-random notes, WILLING some of them not to clash. I usually last about half an hour before the frustration and effort do me in. What is this magical ingredient needed to "jam"? Why can I not find it?
You know those kids in your class who's parents think they're absolutely brilliant? But really, YOU know that they're actually mediocre at BEST, but because they work so hard they sort-of pull it off? And that at some point, it just won't be enough? What if that's me?
Have no fear, I'll be going. Please Lord, let me be wrong. Let this finally be a positive jamming experience. Some progress... anything.
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My recollection of last summer was how assured you seemed playing in the sessions, even the slowest of the 'slow' sessions were far too quick for me. But I've also been working hard, and I'm set on joining in more of the sessions this year. Maybe we'll need to organise a slower group!
ReplyDeleteLOL, WELL the truth is that I have a stubborn streak, and perhaps don't always know when to give up. I would sit there and try, and try, and try until I was ready to smash my fiddle on something (my endurance increased from 10 min to about an hour over the 8 days). THEN I would go away and collect myself. Repeat.
DeleteTHAT'S why I'm so frustrated with my seeming complete lack of progress and get annoyed with some of the "you just have to get in there", or "just keep trying" advice. Or "but you play quite well". Playing is not the same as jamming.
More helpful comments might be something like "I understand how you feel... I felt like that for the first 5 years that I played as well, but now I can jump right in" or "let me show you a few tricks." My fear is that there ARE no tricks, and I just don't have the natural talent to ever figure it out.